June 20, 2016
1. Well, Alaska.... you're kind of a whore. With such a diversity of people here there is bound to be issues, but DANG GINA, it is getting bad here! Shootings, stabbings, robberies, murders.. I feel like I’m living in the ghettos of Compton. You can’t read the paper without reading about someone dying the night before. It’s a tab bit scary in these parts.
2. I’m really so over your mood swings. It’s supposed to be cold with snow in the winter and warm with sunshine in the summer. It isn’t that hard to get it straight? I don’t bother ever looking at the forecast because you change your mind on a whim. I think you need to get on hormones and keep on an even keel. Even though I’ve enjoyed winter for awhile now, I’m a bit over shoveling, changing tires, wearing jackets, and all the other stuff that comes with winter. I just want sun… all the time.
3. Your bosses. You see Alaska, the people that run you can’t seem to get it right. You have so many different people here trying to run things, and it seems that all of those people are out for themselves and not for the betterment of the whole. For such a unique place, we should be working together to make you better and we aren't. I've never lived anywhere where every. single. issue. is debated/discussed/debated again over and over again. It's as though people just need to hear themselves speak and they have to have an opinion even if they don't know what the hell they're talking about.
4. You ain’t cheap! Not only do we pay exorbitant prices for food here, we also have to pay high prices to cook that food! Cut us a break here. Not to mention taking some time to myself Alaska. Sometimes I need my alone time and need to leave you for a bit but man oh man you have to sell your soul to get an affordable ticket out of here. Maybe instead of the dividend we get a, “Get out of Alaska” free ticket each year. Cabin fever is a real thing you know. Mythbusters proved it!
I know I’m bringing up a lot of baggage Alaska- it hasn’t all been bad. There are so many things I’ve appreciated about you in the past 10 years. Topping that list would be the lack of poisonous spiders, fleas/ticks, skunks. The inability for people to ride crotch rockets all year. Your utter lack of social standards when it comes to dress codes.
So what does this mean? I’ve said it time and time again— I should move out of Alaska. Yet I never do. Why is that? What hold do you have on me Alaska? We only live once, so why not go try out another state, or hell, even another country? I have husband.. kids… JOB (haha).. just a cat and chickens. Is it fear of starting over? Having to make new friends? Maybe I just bite the bullet and do it? If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Why haven’t you?
May 24, 2016
When I was hired I was told they were excited to have someone come on board with such great ideas and a passion for educating Alaskans. I was excited to come on board. For the first month or so I was called the "favorite" in our department. My boss invited me for wine, told me about her family, and yes, treated me like the favorite child. Then I think she realized she didn't hire someone who would come at her beck and call or agree with her when it came to spending an outlandish amount of money on a SIM table that we'd NEVER USE! I had an opinion- shoot me. One day she was in our Deputy Director's office and we had a meeting to go to. I quietly knocked on the door and was WAVED IN. I explained we had to go or we'd be late. It was then our DD yelled at me. Yelled at me like a bad child. "How dare you enter a closed door meeting with such unimportant information. Do not ever come into this office without being invited again. We were discussing information you should not be privy too. Get out!" I was shocked. I had never, in my entire life, been yelled at like that by a manager...especially one who was moonlighting as our HR Director! I spoke to my boss about it later and she said, "That is just how she is." Umm. NOT Ok. It was then I knew my boss would never back me up... so so so true it turns out.
Now to the "setting me up for failure" part of the story.
Step One: There is a girl in our HR department who claimed I offended her during orientation, and I was "dismissive" of her in the bathroom (what does that even mean??). I have not said more than 20 words to this girl. So I asked her nicely what I did that offended her that she would go to HR more than once about me. She said nothing had offended her and that she had never said anything of the sort. I requested a meeting with all parties involved, it never happened. I was told to forget about it.
Step Two: I had a counterpart in Valdez. Same job. Same job description. Same. Same. Same. Except for one thing- I was asked to partake in extra meetings, write RFP's, help with grants, etc. etc.
Step Three: In the 5 months working there, I was never asked about the progress of my work or the work of my staff. Nobody ever asked how we were doing, how things were going, nothing.
Step Four: I was told by my boss to not pay my staff for helping in their village council offices. When I explained that to my staff, an email from the Village Chief was sent to my boss and our Executive Director saying basically that he was appalled that we wouldn't pay our staff to help out in their own village. Did my boss say, "Sorry about that? We will do so from now on"? NOPE. She threw me under the bus saying I had made the decision without her knowing. Ridiculous.
So last week when I was called in to the HR conference room with my boss and the HR Director and was given a list of "offenses" that included offending the HR girl, not being supportive of my staff which is why they aren't producing work and stepping outside my job duties.
I explained that I had tried to rectify the situation with HR girl, and the only time I have ever "stepped" outside my job duties was when I was asked by my boss. I asked if they had talked to my staff to determine if I was or wasn't supportive (they had not).
So did it come as a surprise to me when I got my pink slip? Nope. You see, when you have a boss who doesn't care about your work ethic, performance and only cares about themselves, it just won't work for someone like me. I look at the big picture, I look at my staff, I look if we are spending money appropriately. Even though I am not from the region that I worked for, I wanted the program to be a huge success. Something it hasn't been in the years that it's been going on. I wanted my staff to be proud of the work they did for their communities. I wanted to create a product that would be used and not just shelved in storage units. And you know what? I was doing a good job at it too.
I get it. I am opinionated. I won't ever change that for anyone or for any job. If you want to hire some brain dead lackey who will do whatever you say regardless of the outcome, then go for it. But do not hire me explaining that you did so because of my ingenuity and great ideas when you know darn well you will never let me exercise either of those things.
April 12, 2016
I've experienced a lot in the last decade. I've met people who will stay in my life forever and some that stayed in my life too long. I'd like to think I've learned what is important in life and what makes me happy and what doesn't. And now ten years later, I sit here looking back at all that came from this Alaskan adventure and look forward to all that is to come.
I truly have met some amazing people in my life. There are also those friendships that have come and gone. It was one of the harder lessons I had to learn in life; how to let people in my life go that I didn't feel were meaningful in any way. Just because I'd known them for years, or that we had mutual friends.. those weren't reasons to carry on a "friendship" that had no substance. Adios Amigos!
Whew.. I could go on and on and on about this topic. I bet I've had 40+ jobs in my life and none of had more impact on my life than those that I've had in the last 10 years. I learned that just because a non-profit looks good on the outside and "does good things" for whomever their target audience is... doesn't quite mean that everything is sunshine and roses on the inside. My take away was that unless you are truly dedicated to the mission and the work that you do, you should not work for a non-profit. It doesn't make sense to. Quit right now.
Moving on... I've always enjoyed learning and when the opportunity came for me to learn something entirely new, I jumped on it. I dove head first into a world of unknown people, places and experiences and I loved every minute of it.. until I didn't love it anymore, then I was miserable. From this job I learned that some people are greedy with money and some are greedy with the need to be revered. Again, it wasn't about the work that was being done but the power that some people needed in order to feel important.
Moving on again... One thing I will never, ever, accept in another job is complacency. You know the issues but choose not to fix them? Arrivederci!
My whole point is this... you spend a ridiculous amount of time at work so why not love it? Why not be passionate about what you do and be excited to go every single day? Speaking from experience, it can damn near make you a depressed lunatic to hate going to work every day. AMEN!
Relationships: (non-friend category)
'Wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva… So tweasure your wuv."
Listen. I want to find someone to "settle down with" just like every other single woman out there looking for a relationship. It takes me back to a job interview when I was asked why I would make a good supervisor. My response, "Because I've had the best and the worst supervisors and I know which I'd rather be." It is the same thing in relationships!! I've had some truly awful relationships (cheater and seriously psychopathic liar) and I've had some great ones. Which would I prefer? hmm, let me think. So if I've had some good ones why haven't they stuck? I'm going with the unrequited love route. The ol', "The timing just wasn't right." My mother and I have often talked about the supposed key to successful relationships: The Spark. I say it has to exist, she claims that it doesn't. Granted I know there are more important things than The Spark. I mean, they have to be good looking. :) But in all seriousness, you have to WANT to be with that person and not just WANT to be with them to be with someone... In the end, I'm fairly certain I'm not going to settle for someone who I don't think is right for me. If that means I adopt a dozen cats and knit sweaters from their fur, so be it. At least I won't have to shave my legs on a regular basis.
I love my family, I do. We've had some trials and tribulations through the years, but we've come out ahead of the game. In the last ten years all of my family has lived here at some point. Now it's just my younger brother and I. I don't recall us ever being close growing up. He was kind of a schmuck actually. But now I enjoy hanging out with him and seeing him not be so schmucky. My parents live in this hell-hole called Arizona. Why, I don't know.. but they do. I guess the desert is better than living right on the ocean in your own paradise..... I digress. It's fun to be adults with my siblings and my parents. Knowing I can cuss without getting my mouth washed out with soap... or talk to my mom about things she doesn't always want to discuss with me ie: sexy time. My older brother is getting married this year which is so weird. To think there will be another girl in our family just blows my mind. My dad has lightened up through the years and has some one-liners that will make you pee your pants. I am very grateful for them and am glad that we've stayed close through the years and I imagine will only grow closer as we get older--- especially when me and my cats move in with one of them ----
So the past ten years have been good and bad, but mostly good. To think in another ten years I will be 46 and probably bitching about menopause (or lack thereof), reminiscing about how they don't make any good shows like The Golden Girls anymore, while eating friend Spam sandwiches in my moomoo. Kind of sounds glorious if you ask me.
February 17, 2016
No more first dates- I hate those
This is all off the cuff so this list is rather arbitrary-- but as you can see, my CON list is longer than my PRO list. What does that mean? More chickens, cats, moo-moos, and less razors. Sounds like a good plan to me.
January 4, 2016
I look back at years gone by and think, “What should I have done differently?”—why this question always arises at the start of a new year, who knows. I supposed I could have pondered the same thing on August 14 or October 23…. But whatever, it’s the New Year so new changes… I’m not calling them resolutions because that’s just setting you right up for failure; in my case anyway.
I’ve read lots of books about making life changes and I am going to take the route of creating a vision board with things that I will accomplish this year. Here are things that will go on it that I’ve thought of so far:
I think that’s a good enough start. While I may be getting older, the wiser part is still up in the air but each year brings new challenges, accomplishments and experiences and all in all, I’m pretty darn happy with my life. If only that smart, rich, compassionate, romantic man would show up…
|Yes, I love me some Paul Rudd.|
November 9, 2015
September 19, 2015
- No, I don’t want to pick you up at 3am at the airport—take a cab!
- No, I don’t want to go to your tupperware, home interiors, scentsy or any other fad parties. That stuff is overpriced and over rated. Quit inviting me or be prepared for me to show up and eat all of your food and drink all of your booze.
- No, you can't bring your weird friend to my party. He's a creep!
- No, you can’t sleep on my couch. My house is 450sq ft for God’s sake!