July 27, 2015

Why the longest relationship I've had, is with my cat.

I am 35, single, and I raise chickens and a cat. While to some of you that may sound a tad pathetic, to me it makes total sense. You see, I’ve dated, met guys at bars, been introduced by friends and now have succumbed to the utter disaster called online dating.

There is an intrigue when it comes to online dating. You get to instantly judge someone by their pictures and then by what they say (or don’t say) in their profile. We all judge differently. I know this because several friends of mine often compare our “online matches”; whether good or bad.

Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a bit….picky. But just because I’m 35 and single doesn’t mean I need to settle for someone just to be with someone. I have never, nor will I ever be, that person. I don’t need to be in a relationship, it’d just be nice- sometimes. Have someone to do things with, cook for/with, annoy by making them watch old musicals, and so on. But the old saying here in Alaska sure rings true: The odds are good, but the goods are odd. Ain’t that truth!!

Here are a few things I’ve learned from guys that online date here in AK:

• They love to take pictures with their: trucks, motorcycles, boats, 4-wheelers, etc.
• They think we swoon over their half-naked mirror selfies-- we do not.
• They have never, ever passed a spelling test. EVER.
• Even though you say, “No thank you”, they will message you at least 3 more times.
•  I can only assume they don't have any friends because the majority of their pictures are selfies. 
• They don’t seem to mind that they’re old enough to be your father/grandfather.
• They have a lot of tattoos. Primarily on their necks… or face… 
• More than a few have had some sort of glamour shots done—something I just don’t get at all. 
• They think it’s funny to ask me about my “cocks”-- Because I've never heard that before!
• Their entire profile says, “I’m not good at talking about myself. Just ask!”--No thanks!!
• Their messages say something like, “Hey beautiful” or, “Hey there sexy” --- Umm.. hello to you big, bad boy…??  Ick.

Not all guys that online date are utterly ridiculous- but I do think the majority are. Is it worth it? No. But it sure makes for interesting girl talk. I imagine there may be a diamond in the rough out there, but I think I’d have to dig really, really deep to find it. I’m not sure it’s worth the effort. So what if I’m single forever? I can take my own garbage out, mow my own lawn, and fix my own toilet. Then again, I can’t kill anything (spiders/chickens/etc), I won’t camp by myself, and I can’t hug myself if I need one… so maybe there is an upside to having a man around………