Say It Like You Mean It

Dear Readers of my ongoing blog o’ nonsense,

 

I've been a wee bit annoyed lately. While I am really enjoying aspects of this little respite called quarantining, some are not as pleasant. Having to communicate through email, text, chat threads, and online has been...frustrating. Who knew that having that face to face interaction really makes that much of a difference? Or is that really the issue?

We learn to speak between one and two years old, yet some people never really learn how to communicate. Sure, a sentence can be made, and a question can be asked, but when it really counts why is it so difficult for some people to speak? I’m not talking about extrovert vs. introvert, or anything like that. I’m talking about being an adult and knowing and understanding the importance of effective communication. Do not think I’m not guilty of this, but for the most part I’d say I’ve come a long way in knowing when and how to say things and knowing it’s not what you say, but how you say it.. or so I’ve been told.

 

As adults, people come and go in our lives when jobs change, people move, or you learn that these people just don’t have the gall to say what it is they need to say time and time again. I am tired. I am tired of trying to play the "guess why I'm upset now" games. If I ask you a question or request information from you, I’m not doing it for shits and giggles. I’m asking because it affects my life in some way. What kind of person just ignores that? Say you’ve worked with/known them for a year, or five years, or a decade. Does it matter the length of time? Absolutely not. It is rude, inconsiderate, and absolutely appalling that someone who calls you a friend, colleague, partner, or “part of your family”, would not have the decency to simply… respond. What is that they say? 'Speech is silver; silence is golden'. Well, you can keep your gold. I have always liked silver better anyway.

 

 

I suppose that most of us don’t say anything when we should be saying something because of the potential repercussions. What would happen if someone told their boss that they thought the last meeting was a colossal waste of time because not one thing was decided in the two hours you talked in circles? Would they be fired? Would they be written up? Would they appreciate the feedback? Who knows? What would happen if you told your longtime boyfriend that he can’t always be the one making the decisions about your life together? That you don’t want to be stuck in the same “dating” cycle for another year. What if you were to tell him that you two aren’t on the same page, and if you don’t get there soon, that will be the end? Who knows? Why wait to find out if what you have right now isn’t what you want or need? It is that uncertainty of the response that stops people from saying what they really need and want to say. Just say it!!

My father and I didn’t utter the words I Love You for years. YEARS. It was awkward and uncomfortable, and we just don’t talk to each other like that. Just the thought of saying it made me shudder with anxiety. Unfortunately, it took something bad to happen to make us both realize we were being absurd. The first time he said it to me I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t prepared for it. I quickly responded back with the same three words, hung up, and called my mom to tell her he had said it. Then I called my best friend to tell her. It was that shocking. Yet, it was the best shock of my life and I will cherish those three words from him. Some people say it frequently and I often wonder if it begins to lose its power. If it just becomes part of your regular repertoire of sayings to your loved ones, does it hold the same meaning? I don’t know- I don’t say it very often. I want someone to know I really mean it when I say it and that it’s not just a phrase that I’m going to end a phone call with.

 

Most of you know that I can be, at times, overtly honest in my opinions and responses. Isn’t that better than not responding at all? Why would you ask me if you didn’t want an honest answer? If my two-cents is unwarranted, fine tell me to kick rocks. My best relationships are with people who are as honest with me as I am with them. Can it be uncomfortable at times? Sure, because she looks fat in those pants and doesn’t want to hear it. Fine, don’t ask… and for the love of God take those pants back.

 

All I ask if you are someone that I deal with regularly and consider me a friend or family member, colleague or acquaintance, communicate effectively. Try it, be honest, be open, put your guard down. Ask for what you want and explain why you need it. If you lose people because of it, then good riddance. Thank me later.

 

Sincerely,

Thinks she has her PhD in psychology,

Beth