I am Woman, hear my Roar.

Ya know, I’d like to think I’m a pretty strong woman. From early on, growing up in the hills of the Butte playing with hatchets and building forts with my brothers and cousins, I dealt with some adverse situations that no child should ever encounter.  Then, this little tomboy moved to California where I fit in like Clampett at the Cleavers house, fighting and kicking ass and taking names. Moving into high school the reputation of tomboy stuck with me, but I used it to stick up for the underdogs and used my powers for the good of all (or so I’d like to think). In any case, I’ve been able to hold my own and I’m pretty proud to be an independent, strong woman. So when all of this #metoo business came about, I’ll be honest, I rolled my eyes and guffawed at the women coming out of the woodwork pointing fingers and placing blame, wondering why they hadn’t said anything or done anything before, and now felt the need to jump on the proverbial wagon. But you see, I’m a hypocrite. There are very few people who know about my childhood trauma and I chose, and will continue to choose, not to say anything because there are people who would be very affected; maybe more so than I was/am/could have been. It’s my choice just like it’s the choice of all of these women coming forth now. Good on them. Brava.

So what is this all about? I’m coming forth with a new event that recently occurred in my life that I just can’t seem to get out of my head. It’s like that one fly that keeps buzzing around and right when you think he’s gone, he comes back with a vengeance.

I worked at the Dimond Center Hotel bar for over a year mixing drinks, meeting cool people, chatting with locals and tourists, all the while really just enjoying my two days a week there. Then in October they hired a new Marketing Director who took over supervision of the bar. Fine. We were doing fine, the rest of the bar staff and I knew what we were doing. All was well until this guy comes in like he owns the place and starts making changes, getting rid of products and all the while not listening to any of our suggestions. As a matter of fact, told me point blank he didn’t want, and wouldn’t be asking for, our suggestions or opinions. I should point out he has never managed a bar or restaurant before. I should also point out; word on the street is he was fired from other hotels for misogynistic comments and/or actions. Meanwhile, he met with the other bartender and during that meeting yelled and cussed and left her in tears. He would walk into the bar arrogantly every day, talking down to me while offering up some new idea or concept he wanted us to promote. One time he had a “Cocktail specials” list that just listed various vodkas, gins, and other liquors. Ummm, not a cocktail list Mr.Doesn’tKnowWhatHe’sDoing.

Whatever, I could bitch and complain about it to my friends and to the other bartenders because we all knew he was a jerk and we were going to just let him sink his own ship. Until. He demanded that I show up to work one day an hour early to meet with him. I explained that I work full-time and leaving an hour early wasn’t happening. I said I would be there 30 minutes prior to my shift and we could talk then. I showed up and without addressing me in any way he said, “Upstairs conference room now.” I calmly explained that if this was how he was going to talk to me, that I was not going to proceed with the meeting. But I did. During the meeting he went on and on about how he came to the hotel to “save” the bar and restaurant because it was in the red and he did all of this work and all he got was attitude from me and the other bartenders and cooks and he just wanted a team. We didn’t do this or that or listen to this or that. When he was done with his rant, I calmly explained that we were a team and we all worked well together but he chose not to be a part of the team. He didn’t want to be a part of our group texts that we used to communicate when we ran out of things, when we needed a shift covered, etc. He was a dictator, not a team player. I explained that all we wanted was some respect and for him to listen to our suggestions because we knew our customers and we knew what people had suggested for menu items and we knew what worked and what didn’t. If he just “asked” for suggestions then all would be merry at the ol’ bar.  It was then that I could see something snap in him. It was scary. He slammed his hand on the table and yelled, “I DON’T HAVE TO ASK YOU FOR ANYTHING. I AM THE FUCKING BOSS! THE FUCKING BOSS! I DON’T ASK YOU, I TELL YOU WHAT TO DO AND YOU DO IT BECAUSE I AM THE FUCKING BOSS!.” I sat there calmly (on the outside, on the inside I was livid) and I retorted with, “Did you really just scream and curse at me?” and he said, “YES I DID!”. I explained that I had never, in all of my 38 years been yelled at or cursed at like that by anyone, especially not a grown man and that maybe if he was having problems with every single person he “managed” he should take a look at himself and his management style, because it obviously wasn’t working. He didn’t like that very much. He got up, turned the lights off in the room, and walked out. While I was still sitting in there. There’s a lot more in between these lines but it wasn’t worth mentioning. The point is, a grown man, a manager, had a temper tantrum and screamed and cursed at me. So I called the General Manager, explained what happened and he decides to call a meeting with the other bartenders. We talked about our issues and concerns and he point blank said, “I’m not going to fire him if that’s what you think.” And I knew right then and there he just waged a war with me and didn’t even know it.

To make a long story longer, I spoke to the CEO and to other corporate higher ups. I documented, emailed, talked on the phone, and followed up. After over a week of no communication, I emailed the CEO of the corporation and asked for an update. Radio silence. Then, through the grapevine, I find that the Old Man Gang (CEO, GM, Supervisor) met and decided that it hadn’t happened, he never yelled or cursed, and that was that. I sent an email resigning explaining that I wouldn’t work for a company that condoned that kind of behavior. Never heard back. All was said and done… or was it?

I’m finding myself in a psychological and moral conundrum. Do I let it go, move on, throw my fist in the air and admit defeat? Or do I push the issue? Do I file a suit with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and let them decide? Make them sweat a little. Part of me thinks that I should let it go and another part of me thinks this guy can’t keep getting away with this and he needs to know he messed with the wrong damn woman. I really want to stick it to the man but don’t want to be petty about it.

What would you do?