Ya know, I’d like to think I’m a pretty strong woman. From
early on, growing up in the hills of the Butte playing with hatchets and
building forts with my brothers and cousins, I dealt with some adverse
situations that no child should ever encounter.
Then, this little tomboy moved to California where I fit in like Clampett
at the Cleavers house, fighting and kicking ass and taking names. Moving into
high school the reputation of tomboy stuck with me, but I used it to stick up
for the underdogs and used my powers for the good of all (or so I’d like to
think). In any case, I’ve been able to hold my own and I’m pretty proud to be
an independent, strong woman. So when all of this #metoo business came about,
I’ll be honest, I rolled my eyes and guffawed at the women coming out of the
woodwork pointing fingers and placing blame, wondering why they hadn’t said
anything or done anything before, and now felt the need to jump on the
proverbial wagon. But you see, I’m a hypocrite. There are very few people who
know about my childhood trauma and I chose, and will continue to choose, not to
say anything because there are people who would be very affected; maybe more so
than I was/am/could have been. It’s my choice just like it’s the choice of all
of these women coming forth now. Good on them. Brava.
So what is this all about? I’m coming forth with a new event
that recently occurred in my life that I just can’t seem to get out of my head.
It’s like that one fly that keeps buzzing around and right when you think he’s
gone, he comes back with a vengeance.
I worked at the Dimond Center Hotel bar for over a year
mixing drinks, meeting cool people, chatting with locals and tourists, all the
while really just enjoying my two days a week there. Then in October they hired
a new Marketing Director who took over supervision of the bar. Fine. We were
doing fine, the rest of the bar staff and I knew what we were doing. All was
well until this guy comes in like he owns the place and starts making changes,
getting rid of products and all the while not listening to any of our
suggestions. As a matter of fact, told me point blank he didn’t want, and
wouldn’t be asking for, our suggestions or opinions. I should point out he has
never managed a bar or restaurant before. I should also point out; word on the street
is he was fired from other hotels for misogynistic comments and/or actions. Meanwhile,
he met with the other bartender and during that meeting yelled and cussed and left
her in tears. He would walk into the bar arrogantly every day, talking down to
me while offering up some new idea or concept he wanted us to promote. One time
he had a “Cocktail specials” list that just listed various vodkas, gins, and
other liquors. Ummm, not a cocktail list Mr.Doesn’tKnowWhatHe’sDoing.
Whatever, I could bitch and complain about it to my friends
and to the other bartenders because we all knew he was a jerk and we were going
to just let him sink his own ship. Until. He demanded that I show up to work
one day an hour early to meet with him. I explained that I work full-time and
leaving an hour early wasn’t happening. I said I would be there 30 minutes
prior to my shift and we could talk then. I showed up and without addressing me
in any way he said, “Upstairs conference room now.” I calmly explained that if
this was how he was going to talk to me, that I was not going to proceed with
the meeting. But I did. During the meeting he went on and on about how he came
to the hotel to “save” the bar and restaurant because it was in the red and he
did all of this work and all he got was attitude from me and the other
bartenders and cooks and he just wanted a team. We didn’t do this or that or
listen to this or that. When he was done with his rant, I calmly explained that
we were a team and we all worked well together but he chose not to be a part of
the team. He didn’t want to be a part of our group texts that we used to
communicate when we ran out of things, when we needed a shift covered, etc. He
was a dictator, not a team player. I explained that all we wanted was some
respect and for him to listen to our suggestions because we knew our customers
and we knew what people had suggested for menu items and we knew what worked
and what didn’t. If he just “asked” for suggestions then all would be merry at
the ol’ bar. It was then that I could
see something snap in him. It was scary. He slammed his hand on the table and
yelled, “I DON’T HAVE TO ASK YOU FOR ANYTHING. I AM THE FUCKING BOSS! THE
FUCKING BOSS! I DON’T ASK YOU, I TELL YOU WHAT TO DO AND YOU DO IT BECAUSE I AM
THE FUCKING BOSS!.” I sat there calmly (on the outside, on the inside I was
livid) and I retorted with, “Did you really just scream and curse at me?” and
he said, “YES I DID!”. I explained that I had never, in all of my 38 years been
yelled at or cursed at like that by anyone, especially not a grown man and that
maybe if he was having problems with every single person he “managed” he should
take a look at himself and his management style, because it obviously wasn’t
working. He didn’t like that very much. He got up, turned the lights off in the
room, and walked out. While I was still sitting in there. There’s a lot more in
between these lines but it wasn’t worth mentioning. The point is, a grown man,
a manager, had a temper tantrum and screamed and cursed at me. So I called the
General Manager, explained what happened and he decides to call a meeting with
the other bartenders. We talked about our issues and concerns and he point
blank said, “I’m not going to fire him if that’s what you think.” And I knew
right then and there he just waged a war with me and didn’t even know it.
To make a long story longer, I spoke to the CEO and to other
corporate higher ups. I documented, emailed, talked on the phone, and followed
up. After over a week of no communication, I emailed the CEO of the corporation
and asked for an update. Radio silence. Then, through the grapevine, I find
that the Old Man Gang (CEO, GM, Supervisor) met and decided that it hadn’t
happened, he never yelled or cursed, and that was that. I sent an email
resigning explaining that I wouldn’t work for a company that condoned that kind
of behavior. Never heard back. All was said and done… or was it?
I’m finding myself in a psychological and moral conundrum. Do
I let it go, move on, throw my fist in the air and admit defeat? Or do I push
the issue? Do I file a suit with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity
Commission and let them decide? Make them sweat a little. Part of me thinks
that I should let it go and another part of me thinks this guy can’t keep
getting away with this and he needs to know he messed with the wrong damn
woman. I really want to stick it to the man but don’t want to be petty about
it.
What would you do?
