October 25, 2016

If I could turn back time ---If I could find a way---

First and foremost, if you did not start singing like Cher when you read my blog title, we can't be friends (refer to # 10 on the list).  For those of you that did, click here to keep on singing!

When one has large amounts of time to sit/lie around and just think, it can be very dangerous. Case in point:

Last night I could not sleep. I read an entire book and still my mind would not.stop.thinking. While it may surprise some of you, I pray every night. I thank God for my family, the health of my family, my friends, Zoe and whatever else comes to mind. I often talk to my grandma and ask her what in the world I should do with my life. And then beg her not to come visit me from the grave and tell me what to do with my life. I seriously worry one night she'll just pop up and then I will have a heart attack and she won't need to tell me what to do with my life, because I will be dead.

I digress. I laid in bed last night and all these thoughts started popping up and I seriously thought I was having a mid-life crisis and a potential panic attack at the same time. Or maybe they just go hand in hand? I started developing a mental list of all the things in my life I would do different if I could back in time and do so. I mean, we all have these things so why not share my deepest thoughts with you internet people? So here goes (in no particular order):

I would have:
  1. saved money and not spent money on things that mean nothing. I'd be so rich.
  2. focused more in high school on what I enjoyed learning about, and then applied that to a college education. While I do have one, it isn't something I particularly want to use. Ever.
  3.  not treated visits with my grandma as a chore but as quality time with my only grandparent.
  4. learned how to enjoy exercising  (yes, I know I still can, but I'm less apt to do so)
  5. met Paul Newman before he died. I would have stalked the hell out of that man.
  6. had children or a child.
  7. experienced the places I lived rather than just lived there.
  8. told someone that I was being molested while the SOB was still alive.
  9. traveled more instead of just saying I wanted to.
  10. let go of bad friendships sooner.
  11. researched my genealogy while the older relatives were still alive.
  12. gotten chickens way before now.
  13. seen the red flags in my relationships where I was being cheated on. They were there in plain sight.
  14. not plucked my eyebrows so much when I was younger. I don't even want to look at those pictures!!
  15. continued hugging and kissing my parents goodnight/goodbye. 
  16. not bought my Ford Escort ZX2. What a POS.
  17. learned early on not to focus so much on what other people think.
  18. not let me pride get in the way of telling people that I loved, that I loved them.
  19. gotten my endoscopic thoracic sympathectomy when I was a teenager. 
  20. practiced having better penmanship. Mine is terrible.
  21. gone to college straight out of high school and actually experienced the college life instead of being an adult student taking night classes.
  22. not signed up for five credit cards when I got the offers at eighteen.
  23. been a teenager longer rather than trying to be an adult so fast. 
  24. tried a few drugs. I know, I know.. but sometimes I just wonder what they would be like.
  25. not have gotten arrested when I was 18. Don't ask... it was eventually dismissed. 
  26. told my parents I got arrested at 18. Courtrooms are scary places.
  27. not been forced to go to church. I think it would be best if children were taught about all religions and then got to choose which one suited them (if any). 
  28. bought stock in Amazon or Google when it was cheap. duh.
  29. not spent so much time trying to please other people.
  30. taken better care of my body after soccer/life injuries.
Well, there's a few things for ya. In the end life is about learning lessons and moving on. Sure I wish I could go back and change some things, but hell, there are things I need to change now so I better focus on those rather than crying over spilt milk. I just hope that some of the advice I give my Lil Sis she would listen to and not cringe every time I say, "When I was your age...."... but I supposed had someone tried to tell me some things back then I would have done the same thing. Damnit.

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