Is there such a thing as being too honest? I don’t think so,
but if you know me, that probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise. I also
know that I am not perfect, nor is anyone else. What you are about to read is a
true story that I couldn’t possibly fully depict or explain in it's entirety with words.
A few things have happened in the last year that got me
thinking that either a) I need to cut back on my honesty b) other people need
to learn how to accept an honest response or, c) maybe my thinking that a true
friend will always be honest with me isn’t really true.
Case A
“Barb” and I were friends for 6 or 7 years. Bit-by-bit, I
started noticing things that Barb would do that would make me stop and go “hmmm”.
Barb pulled some really crappy moves with me and with other friends and after
much consideration I decided to let Barb know what was on my mind. Albeit not
pretty, or done in the most friendly of ways, I explained to her that
I didn’t think she was being a good friend and detailed instances that
supported my theory. It was always “All about Barb” and I never realized that
until, well, I did. A friendship, like any other relationship, should be
two-sided and with Barb it wasn’t. I know it sounds crazy, but looking at it retrospectively,
it was almost as if she didn’t even understand that the things she would do
would affect the other person. Needless to say Barb and I are no longer friends
and I feel a weight lifted because of it. Supporting an unhealthy friendship is
exhausting and I was done pretending all was a-ok.
Back to my original point: If you were Barb, would you have wanted to know that you weren’t a good friend? Would you have taken what was said and really thought about how you treat people? Could you self reflect and really think about why you treat people a certain way? Or, would you defend yourself and project back onto me?
My thoughts: If a friend, or anyone really, came to me and
said, “Beth, I feel that you aren’t giving in our relationship and that
sometimes you can be a little selfish. I don’t understand why you do _________
and/or__________. It hurts my feelings
when you __________ and/or___________.” I would be mortified. Absolutely
mortified. I would go home, sit on my couch and really think about what they
said. I would feel terrible and probably make them something homemade as an
apology gift (a little overboard, but I might actually do that). I would
absolutely want to know if a friend of mine was having ill feelings towards me
in any way. That is their job as my friend to be honest with me, regardless of
how I might feel about it.
What about you? Would you want your friends/family to be
honest with you?
What would you do with that information once it was received?
Why wouldn’t you want your loved ones to be honest with you?
