Yes, no, maybe so. It's just that easy.

Stepping up on my soapbox now.

There are quite a few things that irk me in life. Bad drivers, people who are rude to wait staff, incessant sounds, etc. etc. etc. But you know what annoys me the most? Invitations and all that go along with them. Let me explain……

1.       I have a lot of people I like to hang out with. When I want to hang out with them, I call them and say, “Hey, do you want to hang out?” and they either say yes or no. I would say out of my group of friends, 4 of them ever call and ask me to do anything. I’m almost always the inviter. Does that mean my friends don’t want to hang out with me? Why is that, I’m super fun? I recently had a drink with a friend that I’ve known for years. I hadn’t seen him in a while so I said, “Let’s meet up!” and he agreed. As we caught up, he mentioned he had tickets to something the weekend prior but didn’t go because he didn’t have anyone to go with. Uh, hello.. thanks a lot schmuck! So it brings me to the “why” part of this scenario. Why am I always the inviter? Maybe all my friends don’t do anything until asked? Maybe I’m not as fun as I think? Maybe they are content sitting at home watching re-runs of Unsolved Mysteries? It’s weird and it kind of bugs me. Then again, I’m a social creature who needs to be around people most of the time which means if I want to be around people, I must ask people to be around me I guess..??

2.       I love to throw parties. Most of these parties include food or some type of preparation. How do you know how much food you’ll need? You send an invite out with an RSVP attached. I like to use evite.com because it has a list of all my friends that I’d want to come and it’s easy peasy to send one out. The other benefit of using evite is that you can send reminders, see who opened it, and keep track of people who RSVP’d- it’s a brilliant little website! The thing is, the majority of people never respond which is utterly frustrating and quite frankly, downright rude. I can see that you opened it, looked at it, and then nothing. If you aren’t coming, just hit NO! If you are, sweet, I will have a hotdog ready for you. It is not that hard to make a decision that includes three responses: yes, no, maybe.

3.       As the inviter, I think the most frustrating part is having those people who are always on the fence about doing something. They come up with the lamest excuse possible as to why they maybe can or can’t come. Just make a decision for crying out loud! If it’s a bonfire- no biggie, I could care a less if you RSVP since we are just sitting around a fire. But if it’s something that includes traveling somewhere, staying somewhere, figuring out food, that is not a situation where you are allowed to be willy nilly about the invite. I don’t want to have to wonder, “Oh, is he/she actually going to follow-through or are they going to cancel last minute?” I know a lot of these people by the way. I just can’t imagine how hard it is to agree to something and then just follow-through. I’m not asking if you’ll give me a kidney for the love of God. The benefit of all of this is that I know who these people are and almost always have a back-up plan because I know they’ll bail last minute. But what those people don’t know is that I’m biding my time until they do it that one time that ticks me off so bad that I just stop inviting them to anything and when the day comes when I have two free tickets to an all-inclusive resort in Tahiti, they won’t be invited. SO THERE! (in my childish, neener, neener, neener voice)

What I want to come from this rant is for those of you who are:  a) the people who don’t RSVP b) the people who RSVP and then no-show or c) RSVP but never follow-through… I want you to know that it isn’t small beans for some people. If you never got invited to anything ever again you’d be sad. It wouldn’t make you feel very good. So why risk that by being an insensitive invitee? You’re basically saying, “Hey, I know we’re friends and I know you like me, and I appreciate you thinking of me while doing this invite, but I don’t really care enough about you to respond/show up/follow-through.

As I slowly make my descent from this soapbox, I want all of you to think about the effort and thought that goes into a simple invite. It’s a meaningful thing to invite someone to something and you should take each invite as a gift; a gift that someone thought enough about you to extend that invitation. 

Looking at the beautiful trees

We all have parts of our personalities that range from endearing to grossly unattractive. For those that know me (or think that you do), you might be surprised to learn that I've always been a "yes" person. I would say yes to things even if I didn't want to do them. I'd agree to do things for other people because I kept thinking that I'd want them to do the same for me, or because I cared about the person.

Here’s the thing, and it’s an important thing… I am done being a yes person! It's like an elephant off my shoulders.

• No, I don’t want to pick you up at 3am at the airport—take a cab!
• No, I don’t want to go to your tupperware, home interiors, scentsy or any other fad parties. That stuff is overpriced and over rated. Quit inviting me or be prepared for me to show up and eat all of your food and drink all of your booze.
• No, you can't bring your weird friend to my party. He's a creep!
• No, you can’t sleep on my couch. My house is 450sq ft for God’s sake! 

The list could go on…

You see, I used to do things to be nice, but in reality, maybe I’m just not that nice or maybe I just have a more... lackadaisical approach to things now. Maybe it’s the whole reciprocity thing; I scratch your back, you scratch mine. I have no nails left from scratching! I know you shouldn’t do things expecting something in return but sheesh, come on! 

Here’s a perfect example:

I was unemployed for a long, long time. I worked in an industry with really great people who I          thought were supportive of me and the work that I did. I truly thought I would not have a hard time finding another job because of the work that I'd done. The truth was, only two friends sent me job postings. Two. They constantly kept an eye out for me and that meant a lot. That was when I realized that all the work that I did, connections I made, favors I pulled, resources I knew of, meant nothing. I have friends looking for work and when I see a job that I think fits them, I send it. It takes two seconds and I hope they know that when I hit send, it means I’m thinking of them and wishing them well. It’s that easy. I’ve definitely moved into the part of my life where I am going to do things I want to do rather than do things I think I should do because it'd be nice of me.

Here’s the other, equally important thing: I just don’t give a darn anymore. I would use a variation of darn if my mother wasn’t reading this, but I’m sure she is. I read Mark Manson’s article and it truly hit home with me. (Read it here) It basically talks about not giving a “darn” anymore. Why do you care about the little things? Do they really affect you that much--or at all? Are you putting more energy into caring than not caring? It’s so silly really. I’ve become a master shoulder shrugger adding the “whatever” look to go with it. Life is really just too darn short to care about the petty things.

So now you know- if I say No to something, I really do not want to do it. If I say Yes, then you should know that I really don't mind doing it at all. I guess what it all comes down to is letting go of all the crap. My mom told me a story about a man that she recently met at a party. He was super excited to go out on the lake with his sister and while waiting for a long time for her to be ready, my mom said to him, "I bet you're ready to go out, your sister sure is making you wait a long time!" He responded with, "Oh, that's ok. I am just sitting here looking at the beautiful trees and scenery."

 If only we could all think like that it'd sure be a better place. 

Why the longest relationship I've had, is with my cat.

I am 35, single, and I raise chickens and a cat. While to some of you that may sound a tad pathetic, to me it makes total sense. You see, I’ve dated, met guys at bars, been introduced by friends and now have succumbed to the utter disaster called online dating.

There is an intrigue when it comes to online dating. You get to instantly judge someone by their pictures and then by what they say (or don’t say) in their profile. We all judge differently. I know this because several friends of mine often compare our “online matches”; whether good or bad.

Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a bit….picky. But just because I’m 35 and single doesn’t mean I need to settle for someone just to be with someone. I have never, nor will I ever be, that person. I don’t need to be in a relationship, it’d just be nice- sometimes. Have someone to do things with, cook for/with, annoy by making them watch old musicals, and so on. But the old saying here in Alaska sure rings true: The odds are good, but the goods are odd. Ain’t that truth!!

Here are a few things I’ve learned from guys that online date here in AK:

• They love to take pictures with their: trucks, motorcycles, boats, 4-wheelers, etc.

• They think we swoon over their half-naked mirror selfies-- we do not.

• They have never, ever passed a spelling test. EVER.

• Even though you say, “No thank you”, they will message you at least 3 more times.

•  I can only assume they don't have any friends because the majority of their pictures are selfies. 

• They don’t seem to mind that they’re old enough to be your father/grandfather.

• They have a lot of tattoos. Primarily on their necks… or face… 

• More than a few have had some sort of glamour shots done—something I just don’t get at all. 

• They think it’s funny to ask me about my “cocks”-- Because I've never heard that before!

• Their entire profile says, “I’m not good at talking about myself. Just ask!”--No thanks!!

• Their messages say something like, “Hey beautiful” or, “Hey there sexy” --- Umm.. hello to you big, bad boy…??  Ick.

Not all guys that online date are utterly ridiculous- but I do think the majority are. Is it worth it? No. But it sure makes for interesting girl talk. I imagine there may be a diamond in the rough out there, but I think I’d have to dig really, really deep to find it. I’m not sure it’s worth the effort. So what if I’m single forever? I can take my own garbage out, mow my own lawn, and fix my own toilet. Then again, I can’t kill anything (spiders/chickens/etc), I won’t camp by myself, and I can’t hug myself if I need one… so maybe there is an upside to having a man around………

 

March Visitors

Margaret, aka Marge and I met in 2006 when I first started working at Big Brothers Big Sisters. I was taking over her job as she moved on to another in-house position. We shared an office and unbeknownst to me, she didn't particularly care for me. I liked her, but thought she was weird because she'd make her own bread, cream of mushroom soup and dressed like a schoolmarm straight out of The Little House on the Prairie. A year later her and her husband moved back to his home state of Arkansas. I can't tell you when or why become friends, but she's come to be a sister to me and I am glad that she finally realized how awesome I truly am. :)

I have been to see Marge and her growing family numerous times. As of now she has 5 kids ranging in age from 6 years old to 9 months. I think she's crazy, she loves it. With her husband working offshore a month at a time, and because she has FIVE KIDS, I never thought in a million years she would come to visit. But she did.

Marge arrived late at night with Opal (6 years old) and Evelyn (9 months old) in tow. After a tumultuous airport pickup because she didn't know how to drive her rental car..ahem... she made it safe to her friend's sister's house where she would be staying.

It was a whirlwind trip for us four girls. It also happened to be the coldest week this winter! We went to the Iditarod festivities, carnival, zoo, Alyeska to go up the tram, Hatcher Pass to "sled", and many other adventures. Opal got to see moose, eagles, and even Dall Sheep. It was great having them here and I wish they lived closer. As I'm sure she will be holding this trip over my head for years to come, I imagine I will have to visit her next.