The Age Ol' Question

A few weeks ago a friend asked me if I believed in God. My natural response was, "Yes, I think so." Then I quickly blabbered on and on to ineffectively explain myself while simultaneously trying to convince myself why I thought I did. I've been thinking about that moment a lot lately, especially after the last few weeks. Do I believe in God?

I recall a time years ago when my mom and I had this conversation and she said, "You're telling me that if you were in a plane that was going down, you wouldn't pray to God?" Hmm.. I suppose I would. Then I go back to reading the first book of the "Left Behind" series that states that non-believers will be left behind while true believers in Christ will be raptured and taken to Heaven so as to not have to deal with the sure-to-come apocalypse. So then I think, "Well, crap. Would I be left behind or raptured?" Just because people go to church and pray doesn't mean they are true believers, and Lord knows (pun intended.. if a pun at all) that I haven't stepped foot in a church since Jesus was a kid (which, by the way, nobody knows exactly when that was.. or even IF it was)

So here I am this last week, giving this question deep thoughts. Like, Jack Handy deep. Do I believe in God? I am talking monotheistically here, because quite frankly, that's all I've ever learned about.

If I were to be honest with myself, and you, I would say the answer to that question is no. I believe that everyone has an energy/aura within and surrounding themselves. This energy is what you feel instantly when you meet someone. It has been said that dog's can sense evil. How can they do that without knowing or talking to the person? I believe negativity is given off in someones energy, just as positivity is. You get what energy you put out there. I know this is all sounding like hogwash to some of you out there but I truly believe this... ok back to it.

So let's say, that when we die, our energy doesn't leave us. Let's say, that we can project that energy to those still living. Some would call these "spirits" or even "angels". I believe we all have them surrounding us, guiding us, protecting us. At one time or another you have done something and a little voice in your head has said, "No, no, no... I wouldn't do that!" You may call it intuition, but have you ever thought about where that comes from? If you were driving down the road and that little voice said, "Don't take a right up here like you normally do", and then you take the right anyway and there is an accident and you get stuck in traffic for three hours. If that little voice is intuition, then are you psychic? How could you have known in advance that there would be an accident- and if you did know, intuitively, why didn't you listen to yourself? Is it harder to believe that you yourself have psychic qualities or is it harder to believe that you have spirits around you that guide and help you?

I recently heard an analogy that made sense to me. Our energies are like radio giving off waves of frequencies. Once we've departed we are still giving off those wavelengths of energy and we direct them towards someone. We all have the ability to hear them, but we need to learn to tune those frequencies so we can hear the messages being projected. Some people can do this easier than others. My grandmother used to tell me she could "feel" her departed husband and hear him too. I used to think she was a bit crazy, but then I started hearing more stories of people who could hear/feel their angels and I was a bit jealous. Some knew exactly who theirs were, others didn't. Some could even ask questions and receive answers. Crazy, right?

I know this is getting deep, and as I write this I'm thinking about those of you who are going to think I've fallen off my rocker, but oh well! So I have these angels, and yes, I'm going to call them that- that project energy to me. I believe that while there are occurrences in our lives that damn near break us, everything does indeed happen for a reason. Our lives are a series of fortunate events that happen so that we learn something, experience something, feel something, meet someone. I believe our angels are the ones guiding us through it and are there for support when we need them. Knowing this allows me to heal faster and look forward to where my journey will take me. I can take solace in believing that Zoe passing during a time of great flux for me, is my angel's way of saying, "Hey, one chapter of your life has ended, now it's time to begin a new one." How does God fit into all of this? I have no idea whatsoever. I don't even know if he does.

So here's to the next stop on this crazy journey I call life and dammit, I'm looking forward to it!