A Decade Gone By

2016 marks the 10th anniversary of me living back in Alaska. I never in a million years thought I would ever return to live back in Alaska, but when your brother calls and needs you, that's what you do. Granted I'm sure he didn't think I'd actually move up here and IN with him, but que sera sera.

I've experienced a lot in the last decade. I've met people who will stay in my life forever and some that stayed in my life too long. I'd like to think I've learned what is important in life and what makes me happy and what doesn't. And now ten years later, I sit here looking back at all that came from this Alaskan adventure and look forward to all that is to come.

Friends. 
I truly have met some amazing people in my life. There are also those friendships that have come and gone. It was one of the harder lessons I had to learn in life; how to let people in my life go that I didn't feel were meaningful in any way. Just because I'd known them for years, or that we had mutual friends.. those weren't reasons to carry on a "friendship" that had no substance. Adios Amigos!

Jobs.
Whew.. I could go on and on and on about this topic. I bet I've had 40+ jobs in my life and none of had more impact on my life than those that I've had in the last 10 years. I learned that just because a non-profit looks good on the outside and "does good things" for whomever their target audience is... doesn't quite mean that everything is sunshine and roses on the inside. My take away was that unless you are truly dedicated to the mission and the work that you do, you should not work for a non-profit. It doesn't make sense to. Quit right now.
Moving on... I've always enjoyed learning and when the opportunity came for me to learn something entirely new, I jumped on it. I dove head first into a world of unknown people, places and experiences and I loved every minute of it.. until I didn't love it anymore, then I was miserable. From this job I learned that some people are greedy with money and some are greedy with the need to be revered. Again, it wasn't about the work that was being done but the power that some people needed in order to feel important.
Moving on again... One thing I will never, ever, accept in another job is complacency. You know the issues but choose not to fix them? Arrivederci!
My whole point is this... you spend a ridiculous amount of time at work so why not love it? Why not be passionate about what you do and be excited to go every single day? Speaking from experience, it can damn near make you a depressed lunatic to hate going to work every day. AMEN!

Relationships: (non-friend category)
'Wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva… So tweasure your wuv."
Listen. I want to find someone to "settle down with" just like every other single woman out there looking for a relationship. It takes me back to a job interview when I was asked why I would make a good supervisor. My response, "Because I've had the best and the worst supervisors and I know which I'd rather be." It is the same thing in relationships!! I've had some truly awful relationships (cheater and seriously psychopathic liar) and I've had some great ones. Which would I prefer? hmm, let me think. So if I've had some good ones why haven't they stuck? I'm going with the unrequited love route. The ol', "The timing just wasn't right." My mother and I have often talked about the supposed key to successful relationships: The Spark. I say it has to exist, she claims that it doesn't. Granted I know there are more important things than The Spark. I mean, they have to be good looking. :)  But in all seriousness, you have to WANT to be with that person and not just WANT to be with them to be with someone...  In the end, I'm fairly certain I'm not going to settle for someone who I don't think is right for me. If that means I adopt a dozen cats and knit sweaters from their fur, so be it. At least I won't have to shave my legs on a regular basis.

Family
I love my family, I do. We've had some trials and tribulations through the years, but we've come out ahead of the game. In the last ten years all of my family has lived here at some point. Now it's just my younger brother and I. I don't recall us ever being close growing up. He was kind of a schmuck actually. But now I enjoy hanging out with him and seeing him not be so schmucky. My parents live in this hell-hole called Arizona. Why, I don't know.. but they do. I guess the desert is better than living right on the ocean in your own paradise..... I digress. It's fun to be adults with my siblings and my parents. Knowing I can cuss without getting my mouth washed out with soap... or talk to my mom about things she doesn't always want to discuss with me ie: sexy time. My older brother is getting married this year which is so weird. To think there will be another girl in our family just blows my mind. My dad has lightened up through the years and has some one-liners that will make you pee your pants. I am very grateful for them and am glad that we've stayed close through the years and I imagine will only grow closer as we get older--- especially when me and my cats move in with one of them ----

So the past ten years have been good and bad, but mostly good. To think in another ten years I will be 46 and probably bitching about menopause (or lack thereof), reminiscing about how they don't make any good shows like The Golden Girls anymore, while eating friend Spam sandwiches in my moomoo. Kind of sounds glorious if you ask me.

To Date or Not To Date?

At my age, I really cherish the friendships I have with other single women. Not that I don’t love my married/coupled friends, but my single friends and I have more in common… well, kind of.

So a few of my single friends and I have been having conversations asking whether or not we want to be in a relationship, or why we aren’t in one, or if there are particular reasons we haven’t found one that sticks. I know that I’m pretty picky, and having that elusive “spark” is important to me. I want someone who gets along with my friends and family and who enjoys the same things as I do.. blah blah blah.

It all got me to thinking about being single at 36 and if I really want to be in a relationship. So I created a pros and cons list that might help me decide (although very doubtful).

 

PROS                                                                                      CONS

Having a companion to do things with                        Feeling like you have to have them along for everything

Getting knocked up                                                         I can do it without a relationship (IVF,not being a slut)            

Being old by myself                                                         If they got older faster I’d have to take care of them

Sex                                                                                      I don’t think there is a con to this one..

Having someone to cook for                                          Unless they are picky and have a ton of allergies

Cuddling                                                                             Do not cuddle with my while sleeping. I hate that

                                                                                             Having to share my holidays with his family

                                                                                             Not being able to hang out with my friends all the time

                                                                                             I probably can’t have a household full of animals

                                                                                             I tend to date cheaters.. so there’s always that

                                                                                             I can’t move at a moment’s notice

                                                                                             I imagine they’d want me to shave my legs daily

Help cleaning my coop??                                                Hmm, maybe I do want a relationship

                                                                                             I like my alone time

No more first dates- I hate those

 

This is all off the cuff so this list is rather arbitrary-- but as you can see, my CON list is longer than my PRO list. What does that mean? More chickens, cats, moo-moos, and less razors. Sounds like a good plan to me.

 

                                                               

Adios 2015.... Bienvenidos 2016!

I will be turning 36 this year. For most, age is just a number. For me, it’s my biological clock speeding by. I know some of you may find it hard to find seriousness in the fact that I’d like to procreate, but I would. Who wouldn’t want a mini-Beth?? Sheesh!
I look back at years gone by and think, “What should I have done differently?”—why this question always arises at the start of a new year, who knows. I supposed I could have pondered the same thing on August 14 or October 23…. But whatever, it’s the New Year so new changes… I’m not calling them resolutions because that’s just setting you right up for failure; in my case anyway.
I’ve read lots of books about making life changes and I am going to take the route of creating a vision board with things that I will accomplish this year. Here are things that will go on it that I’ve thought of so far:

1.      Get healthy. I don’t need to lose a ton of weight or anything dramatic. I mean, I do, but I only have SO MUCH will power... But I do want to get back into shape so I can play soccer without dying after 1 minute of running. I want to start hiking again. I want to make exercise a part of my routine. As far as eating, I am probably not going to change that too much. I love food and when it comes down to it, I’d rather eat what I want than not.. so there. I should probably also simmer down on the Coors Light but let’s not get too carried away.

2.      Save at least 10% of my income aside from my retirement account. When I was unemployed for an extended amount of time I would literally buy only what I needed and not what I wanted and I lived on a fraction of my income. Those impulse purchases will kill ya! So I’m going to pretend I’m unemployed and broke. I will give myself a budget and will have to stay within that budget.

3.      I will put more effort into myself, aka stop being so damn lazy. (I guess this goes with #1 but what I mean is…).. not getting up and putting on the frumpiest thing I can find because it’s easy to put on. Or not put my hair in a ponytail every day because it’s easier than blow drying it and styling it. I will spend less time on the couch and more time doing things that make me happy.. although that couch and some Bravo series really make me happy… I digress…

4.      I am going to let whatever will be, be. I am not going to force relationships.. whether it be with friends or “friends” wink wink… C'est la vie!!

5.      I am going to go on a vacation to somewhere I want to go. No offense to those that may take offense to this, but I would love to see you and your family, but this vacation is going to be all about me and what/where/who I want to see. I’m fairly certain it doesn’t include you.. sorry!!

I think that’s a good enough start. While I may be getting older, the wiser part is still up in the air but each year brings new challenges, accomplishments and experiences and all in all, I’m pretty darn happy with my life. If only that smart, rich, compassionate, romantic man would show up…

Yes, I love me some Paul Rudd.

Yes, no, maybe so. It's just that easy.

Stepping up on my soapbox now.

There are quite a few things that irk me in life. Bad drivers, people who are rude to wait staff, incessant sounds, etc. etc. etc. But you know what annoys me the most? Invitations and all that go along with them. Let me explain……

1.       I have a lot of people I like to hang out with. When I want to hang out with them, I call them and say, “Hey, do you want to hang out?” and they either say yes or no. I would say out of my group of friends, 4 of them ever call and ask me to do anything. I’m almost always the inviter. Does that mean my friends don’t want to hang out with me? Why is that, I’m super fun? I recently had a drink with a friend that I’ve known for years. I hadn’t seen him in a while so I said, “Let’s meet up!” and he agreed. As we caught up, he mentioned he had tickets to something the weekend prior but didn’t go because he didn’t have anyone to go with. Uh, hello.. thanks a lot schmuck! So it brings me to the “why” part of this scenario. Why am I always the inviter? Maybe all my friends don’t do anything until asked? Maybe I’m not as fun as I think? Maybe they are content sitting at home watching re-runs of Unsolved Mysteries? It’s weird and it kind of bugs me. Then again, I’m a social creature who needs to be around people most of the time which means if I want to be around people, I must ask people to be around me I guess..??

2.       I love to throw parties. Most of these parties include food or some type of preparation. How do you know how much food you’ll need? You send an invite out with an RSVP attached. I like to use evite.com because it has a list of all my friends that I’d want to come and it’s easy peasy to send one out. The other benefit of using evite is that you can send reminders, see who opened it, and keep track of people who RSVP’d- it’s a brilliant little website! The thing is, the majority of people never respond which is utterly frustrating and quite frankly, downright rude. I can see that you opened it, looked at it, and then nothing. If you aren’t coming, just hit NO! If you are, sweet, I will have a hotdog ready for you. It is not that hard to make a decision that includes three responses: yes, no, maybe.

3.       As the inviter, I think the most frustrating part is having those people who are always on the fence about doing something. They come up with the lamest excuse possible as to why they maybe can or can’t come. Just make a decision for crying out loud! If it’s a bonfire- no biggie, I could care a less if you RSVP since we are just sitting around a fire. But if it’s something that includes traveling somewhere, staying somewhere, figuring out food, that is not a situation where you are allowed to be willy nilly about the invite. I don’t want to have to wonder, “Oh, is he/she actually going to follow-through or are they going to cancel last minute?” I know a lot of these people by the way. I just can’t imagine how hard it is to agree to something and then just follow-through. I’m not asking if you’ll give me a kidney for the love of God. The benefit of all of this is that I know who these people are and almost always have a back-up plan because I know they’ll bail last minute. But what those people don’t know is that I’m biding my time until they do it that one time that ticks me off so bad that I just stop inviting them to anything and when the day comes when I have two free tickets to an all-inclusive resort in Tahiti, they won’t be invited. SO THERE! (in my childish, neener, neener, neener voice)

What I want to come from this rant is for those of you who are:  a) the people who don’t RSVP b) the people who RSVP and then no-show or c) RSVP but never follow-through… I want you to know that it isn’t small beans for some people. If you never got invited to anything ever again you’d be sad. It wouldn’t make you feel very good. So why risk that by being an insensitive invitee? You’re basically saying, “Hey, I know we’re friends and I know you like me, and I appreciate you thinking of me while doing this invite, but I don’t really care enough about you to respond/show up/follow-through.

As I slowly make my descent from this soapbox, I want all of you to think about the effort and thought that goes into a simple invite. It’s a meaningful thing to invite someone to something and you should take each invite as a gift; a gift that someone thought enough about you to extend that invitation. 

Looking at the beautiful trees

We all have parts of our personalities that range from endearing to grossly unattractive. For those that know me (or think that you do), you might be surprised to learn that I've always been a "yes" person. I would say yes to things even if I didn't want to do them. I'd agree to do things for other people because I kept thinking that I'd want them to do the same for me, or because I cared about the person.

Here’s the thing, and it’s an important thing… I am done being a yes person! It's like an elephant off my shoulders.

• No, I don’t want to pick you up at 3am at the airport—take a cab!
• No, I don’t want to go to your tupperware, home interiors, scentsy or any other fad parties. That stuff is overpriced and over rated. Quit inviting me or be prepared for me to show up and eat all of your food and drink all of your booze.
• No, you can't bring your weird friend to my party. He's a creep!
• No, you can’t sleep on my couch. My house is 450sq ft for God’s sake! 

The list could go on…

You see, I used to do things to be nice, but in reality, maybe I’m just not that nice or maybe I just have a more... lackadaisical approach to things now. Maybe it’s the whole reciprocity thing; I scratch your back, you scratch mine. I have no nails left from scratching! I know you shouldn’t do things expecting something in return but sheesh, come on! 

Here’s a perfect example:

I was unemployed for a long, long time. I worked in an industry with really great people who I          thought were supportive of me and the work that I did. I truly thought I would not have a hard time finding another job because of the work that I'd done. The truth was, only two friends sent me job postings. Two. They constantly kept an eye out for me and that meant a lot. That was when I realized that all the work that I did, connections I made, favors I pulled, resources I knew of, meant nothing. I have friends looking for work and when I see a job that I think fits them, I send it. It takes two seconds and I hope they know that when I hit send, it means I’m thinking of them and wishing them well. It’s that easy. I’ve definitely moved into the part of my life where I am going to do things I want to do rather than do things I think I should do because it'd be nice of me.

Here’s the other, equally important thing: I just don’t give a darn anymore. I would use a variation of darn if my mother wasn’t reading this, but I’m sure she is. I read Mark Manson’s article and it truly hit home with me. (Read it here) It basically talks about not giving a “darn” anymore. Why do you care about the little things? Do they really affect you that much--or at all? Are you putting more energy into caring than not caring? It’s so silly really. I’ve become a master shoulder shrugger adding the “whatever” look to go with it. Life is really just too darn short to care about the petty things.

So now you know- if I say No to something, I really do not want to do it. If I say Yes, then you should know that I really don't mind doing it at all. I guess what it all comes down to is letting go of all the crap. My mom told me a story about a man that she recently met at a party. He was super excited to go out on the lake with his sister and while waiting for a long time for her to be ready, my mom said to him, "I bet you're ready to go out, your sister sure is making you wait a long time!" He responded with, "Oh, that's ok. I am just sitting here looking at the beautiful trees and scenery."

 If only we could all think like that it'd sure be a better place. 

Why the longest relationship I've had, is with my cat.

I am 35, single, and I raise chickens and a cat. While to some of you that may sound a tad pathetic, to me it makes total sense. You see, I’ve dated, met guys at bars, been introduced by friends and now have succumbed to the utter disaster called online dating.

There is an intrigue when it comes to online dating. You get to instantly judge someone by their pictures and then by what they say (or don’t say) in their profile. We all judge differently. I know this because several friends of mine often compare our “online matches”; whether good or bad.

Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a bit….picky. But just because I’m 35 and single doesn’t mean I need to settle for someone just to be with someone. I have never, nor will I ever be, that person. I don’t need to be in a relationship, it’d just be nice- sometimes. Have someone to do things with, cook for/with, annoy by making them watch old musicals, and so on. But the old saying here in Alaska sure rings true: The odds are good, but the goods are odd. Ain’t that truth!!

Here are a few things I’ve learned from guys that online date here in AK:

• They love to take pictures with their: trucks, motorcycles, boats, 4-wheelers, etc.

• They think we swoon over their half-naked mirror selfies-- we do not.

• They have never, ever passed a spelling test. EVER.

• Even though you say, “No thank you”, they will message you at least 3 more times.

•  I can only assume they don't have any friends because the majority of their pictures are selfies. 

• They don’t seem to mind that they’re old enough to be your father/grandfather.

• They have a lot of tattoos. Primarily on their necks… or face… 

• More than a few have had some sort of glamour shots done—something I just don’t get at all. 

• They think it’s funny to ask me about my “cocks”-- Because I've never heard that before!

• Their entire profile says, “I’m not good at talking about myself. Just ask!”--No thanks!!

• Their messages say something like, “Hey beautiful” or, “Hey there sexy” --- Umm.. hello to you big, bad boy…??  Ick.

Not all guys that online date are utterly ridiculous- but I do think the majority are. Is it worth it? No. But it sure makes for interesting girl talk. I imagine there may be a diamond in the rough out there, but I think I’d have to dig really, really deep to find it. I’m not sure it’s worth the effort. So what if I’m single forever? I can take my own garbage out, mow my own lawn, and fix my own toilet. Then again, I can’t kill anything (spiders/chickens/etc), I won’t camp by myself, and I can’t hug myself if I need one… so maybe there is an upside to having a man around………

 

March Visitors

Margaret, aka Marge and I met in 2006 when I first started working at Big Brothers Big Sisters. I was taking over her job as she moved on to another in-house position. We shared an office and unbeknownst to me, she didn't particularly care for me. I liked her, but thought she was weird because she'd make her own bread, cream of mushroom soup and dressed like a schoolmarm straight out of The Little House on the Prairie. A year later her and her husband moved back to his home state of Arkansas. I can't tell you when or why become friends, but she's come to be a sister to me and I am glad that she finally realized how awesome I truly am. :)

I have been to see Marge and her growing family numerous times. As of now she has 5 kids ranging in age from 6 years old to 9 months. I think she's crazy, she loves it. With her husband working offshore a month at a time, and because she has FIVE KIDS, I never thought in a million years she would come to visit. But she did.

Marge arrived late at night with Opal (6 years old) and Evelyn (9 months old) in tow. After a tumultuous airport pickup because she didn't know how to drive her rental car..ahem... she made it safe to her friend's sister's house where she would be staying.

It was a whirlwind trip for us four girls. It also happened to be the coldest week this winter! We went to the Iditarod festivities, carnival, zoo, Alyeska to go up the tram, Hatcher Pass to "sled", and many other adventures. Opal got to see moose, eagles, and even Dall Sheep. It was great having them here and I wish they lived closer. As I'm sure she will be holding this trip over my head for years to come, I imagine I will have to visit her next.